I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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