I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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