the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
