I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
