everyone is single if you try hard enough
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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