I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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