..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
