I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
