people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
