I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
