Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
