I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize