im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
