dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
two words...techno handjob
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
