in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
