im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
