Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
