when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
