Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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