definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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