I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
