ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize