You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He better not be in your backpack
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
