If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
