If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
