I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
