Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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