How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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