Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
