My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
