Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize