One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
