I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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