You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
