ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize