I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
