If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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