chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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