question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
