Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
