my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
