Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
