Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize