Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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