i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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