You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
