theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
