i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
