if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My ass is underappreciated
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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