i just wanna soil my oats bro
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
