Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
