after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
