so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
