I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Boobs are out for the taking
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
