i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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