where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
