I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize