The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
