peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
