Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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