I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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