so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
