Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
