I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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