She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
