dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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