My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
