Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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