I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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