you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
