That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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