I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
