I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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