We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
