just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
