I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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