my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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