Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
