Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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