His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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