I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
...so i touched it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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