Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
