Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's always time for handjobs
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
