Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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