bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
