yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He better not be in your backpack
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
