but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
