Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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