I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
