In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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