Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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