How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
